Scrappy bits

My demand is very simple

2007-02-23T16:30:00.000+01:00

"I'm just satisfied with the best"--Oscar Wilde

Happy SAD!!!

2007-02-14T05:05:00.000+01:00

Best wishes to all the SADists

SAD= Singles Awareness Day

Dearest all single friends,

Please join hands, celebrate, commemorate, go party and disseminate the philosophy of Singles Awareness Day to every corner of the world. Stand up with your head held high and declare (read pretend) to the world with greatest pride that you are just too happy. Well, don't forget to cast some sympathy on those who are not so lucky as you are.

Yours faithfully,
someone with a distinction of celebrating this day for more than three decades in a row

AGE++

2007-01-13T00:33:00.000+01:00

greetings with a pair of chopsticks

2006-12-07T10:52:00.000+01:00

Shanghai calling.....

2006-11-29T15:47:00.000+01:00

Very low Internet connectivity .... sedentary life ... delicious food .... poetry .... Ulysses .... south gallery in academy ..... abstract art ..... nandan chottore aar kicchu dariwala modernist aNatel ...dhora jaak serokom ekjon er naam holo Holden dedalus....

Me: What are you up to these days, Mr. Dedalus?
HD: I am now doing the most seminal artwork of all time, that is, painting on a canvas with semen.

Social and cultural ethos of good old Calcutta are all over me, now ... in the mean time leaving for Shanghai the day after tomorrow ....

4 days to go

2006-11-06T01:41:00.000+01:00

I'm just four days away to obtain the highest formal degree that any academic institution can offer in today's world. Note that I used the word formal, as, by no means, my intention is to claim any special distinction in the degree. The copies of the thesis in a book form will be delivered from the printer today; which means that all works are complete and I should be all set to participate in the final showdown, i.e., to present the works in a publicly announced lecture, immediately after which, according to rules, I should be handed over the certificate by the chairman of the jury. Theoretically, anybody can be present at the lecture to voice his/her approval or disapproval of the claims in the dissertation. However, there was no instance in the history of the university that a student was refused the degree on the very day of public defence; therefore, this event has more or less become ceremonial.

... Around three decades ago, another young man, restless and nervous and excited and full of enthusiasm, perhaps, tasted similar kind of experiences to become the first one in his family to obtain a Ph.D. and to subsequently engage in an academic profession. Yes, that young chap was my father.

nothing!!!

2006-10-21T02:25:00.000+02:00

Just lack of muse!!

Rabindranath and his PREM: an exception

2006-10-08T23:20:00.000+02:00

In most of his poems, PREM (or love) is manifested with much subtlety either in a spiritual or in a platonic way. I don't remember any other poem by Tagore where his PREM broke the barriers of spirituality or the platonic threshold and craved for physical closeness inasmuch as the one written below. The verses are addressed to his shokhi (note that this is not the usual shokha like in many other poems where Tagore referred to his beloved bidhata by that). However, the song is delightful, both to your heart and ears. Do not forget to listen to it once again.

Bolio aamaar golap baalaa,
bolio amar golap baalaa,
tolo mukhani tolo mukhani
kushumo kunjo koro aalaa,
boli kisher shorom eto shokhi
kisher shorom eto shokhi,
paataar-o majharey lukaye mukhani
kisher shorom eto baalaa,
ghumaye porechhey dhora
shokhi, ghumaye chondro tara, priye
ghumaye dikbalaa ra shobey
ghumaye jogot joto;
bolite moner kotha shokhi
emon shomoy kotha priye
tolo mukhani achey go amar-o
praner kotha koto;
ami emon shudhiro shwarey
shokhi kohibo tomaro kaan-e, priye
shoponer-o moto shey kotha ashiye poshibey tomar praney
tobey mukhani tuliye chao
shudhirey mukhani tuliye chao,
shokhi ekti chumbono dao; gopone ekti chumbono chao||

The last cigarette?

2006-08-31T04:45:00.000+02:00

I gave up smoking last December. I smoked one or two in Austria last March. I again smoked today. I am extremely repentant now. No. Never. Whatever.

tomar kiser eto tara... rasta paar hobe saabdhane...

2006-08-29T21:56:00.000+02:00

...
"...amar raat jaga tara
tomar akash chhoya bari
ami pai na chhute tomay
amra ekla laage bhari...
...
"

Familiarity, contempt etc.

2006-08-28T16:04:00.000+02:00

"Friends come and go, enemies accumulate",

Distraction.....

2006-08-28T15:38:00.000+02:00

Brother just informed that my google hits just crossed the 1000 mark. Don't know what to feel about it. My Boss's google hits is more than 85,000. Any porn-site has google hits far more than what Einstein would ever have. So, WTF?

Which fruit is this?

2006-08-20T15:33:00.000+02:00

I've been eating this fruit for quite some time now. It tastes good, not very expensive, rich in fiber and pulp. But unfortunately I just do not know the name of the fruit. It reminds me of a wonderful story, namely "Mackenzie Fruit" by Satyajit Ray.

Potpourri

2006-07-29T22:18:00.000+02:00

1. Thesis submitted ... Waiting for the approval of the reading committee... if they say OK then I shall take a holy dip into the sacred river of Ganga ... Fighting for it since 2001... Mother and father could not hide the unjustified pleasure of seeing their son's prospect of earning a Dr. Degree ... In India those who cannot fit in anywhere they go for higher studies ... frankly speaking, 95% of all the brilliant students that I came across all my academic/industrial life did not go for Ph.D's, they are 1000 times as intelligent and quite justifiably as many times as rich as I am at the moment. On the other hand, 95% of the Ph.D's I have seen are blockheaded (I'm too on the verge of joining that group), yes I'm serious. Still, my parents are trying hard to be proud of me. Love has made them blind. That is what being parents means perhaps, always to see their children to be the best of all. So I have forgiven them.

2. ekhon prochondo ghum peyechhe .... last tin din char ghonta kore ghumiyechhi ..I love love sleeping .... yes, yes, alone .... firstly, more room in the bed ... and I have the habit of thrashing legs around in sleep, sometimes wildly ... when I visited Chilika with D and all, I kicked D down on to the floor in the middle of the night and he had to spend the whole night there amid the swansongs of mosquitoes... and I was too rude to apologize for that, the next morning, 'coz they told me about that abominable act of crime three days later when we were back in Kolkata.

3. P and A are both coming to the UK. This is a fascinating news. So the prospect of eating phuchkas under the tower of Big Ben is not too ambitious.

4. Indocrypt deadline is approaching fast. G gave some works to complete in one week. So there is no room for letting up the work. Heck!!!

Last weblog for the night

2006-07-25T06:20:00.000+02:00

goto december maash-e jokhon India gechhilam, bhai ekta gaan play kore shuniyechhilo ...ramkumar chattopadhyay- er gaoya ekta gaan ... originally baul song ... ramkumar gailo toppa aangike... I don't know how it struck a chord so well with me,

ami moner moto pagol pailaam na
ami tai to pagol hoilaam na
tai to pagol hoilaam na
moner moto pagol pailaamm na

gaan ta je ekhon shunchhi aar gun gun korchhi seta bolai bahullyo....

How do you know everything, my lord

2006-07-23T16:46:00.000+02:00

"Hridoy amar chaye je ditey
kebol nite noi
boye boye berai se taar
jaa kichhu sonchoy
...
...
sudhu tomar bani noigo he bondhu he priyo
majhe majhe prane tomar porosh khani dio
..."

How many ...

2006-07-22T00:58:00.000+02:00

How many times shall I listen to this song and still believe that I didn't do it too many?

....
...
...
how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, `n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
...
I'm not a great admirer of Dylan's voice. But this song I think he sang with all his heart and soul.

Just a simple example of syllogism, nothing much

2006-07-16T21:41:00.000+02:00

I'm extremely hungry and without food (except tea) for the last 19 hours. I think this is a good reason to justify a quick visit to the nearby fast-food joint. see yaaa.

One thing that I'm quite sure

2006-07-15T18:21:00.000+02:00

that today I will definitely clean my house. a pigsty might look spick-and-span compared to my house at the moment. nobody can resist me in this cleaning work. nobody.... nobody ....

I can't clean house if some super raunchy/crazy hindi songs do not blare on the speaker.

"Rukmani Rukmani....."

A geriatric

2006-07-14T23:55:00.000+02:00

1. Lost all the five games to JK. Huge humiliation.
2. Could not run more than 3 laps.
3. Reflex action is conspicuously on the wane.

All are leading to that deadly phenomenon.... I'm getting older.

Aha..

2006-07-13T22:46:00.000+02:00

"Sunta hai mera khuda
dilo jaan se chahu
tujhko yaaraa dilrooba"

Finally the reading committee approved (after dillydallying for three months) my didactical work in the last four years to be good enough for me to get a doctoral degree. The next hurdle is what the doctoral committee says about that. Hope that's easy.

"Sunta hai mera khuda...

The boy is alive and kicking and frolicking

2006-07-11T22:17:00.000+02:00

The last one hour had been one of the most horrible times of my life. Just got the news as world wide headline on BBC that Mumbai has again been ripped apart by serial bomb blasts on the commuter trains at the rush hours of this evening. Plenty of casualties. Brother commutes in train everyday. But it was quite late in India. The mobile was not picked up over and over making my BP surge high. Just felt cruelly helpless, can not figure out what I should do at this moment so far away. Thousands of gruesome scenes started thronging to the mind till got a call from father .... phewwww!!!!!!.....

P.S. Gaurav, Amit are keeping timelines of the developments in Mumbai after the blasts. Amit wisely points out this event is very tempting for the Shiv Sena to take advantage of to again incite a communal riot.

P.P.S. The boy passed through Matunga Station just half an hour before the blast rocked the station. The boy commutes on the same route as that of the blasted train. The lesson: when you live in the hell, God is born in heaven, because people in the hell only need the help of God.

Doped!!

2006-07-01T03:09:00.000+02:00

I usually run 3 laps continuously before taking rest. Today I ran 3.25 laps before I felt the need to take rest to reinvigorate my lungs. Now it just occurred to me that, before we started running, JK offered me a sports drink. The reason for that extra .25 lap has now become jol-er moto sohoj. ANABOLIC STEROID.

I was debating for some time now how many laps I might need to run to make it to the Brazilian football team. So I was discussing that with JK (who runs complete 4 laps before feeling mildly out of breath). Roberto Carlos who is the strongest player in the Brazil team sometimes runs around 20 to 25 laps in a single match.

So I decided to take ANABOLIC STEROID of equal weight instead of rice at lunch from tomorrow.

There he goes..

2006-06-23T22:10:00.000+02:00

It happened before... it happens always ... when I'm happy, his presence is not felt so much... But when I'm sad... it is him whom I'll fall back on again and again ...

"....
baarey baarey bNadh bhangiya bonya chhutechhe
darun diney dikey dikey kanna uthechhe
ogo rudro duukhkhey shuukhey
ei kothati baajlo buukey
tomar premey aghat aachhey
naiko obohela
..
noye noye e modhur khela''

He is big now...

2006-06-20T03:17:00.000+02:00

When he was born, many of our relatives tried to pull my leg by saying that now my parents would love me half as much as they used to in the past. According to them, because of his coming between me and my parents, all the nice things of the world would now be exactly halved -- the number of my new clothes for Durgapuja, the mangoes that I always loved on hot summer afternoons after the lunch, the grapes that my father would bring when he returned home from college in the evening, the mihidana that my dida would always keep for me and I was quite uncharitable to allow even a little bit of that to anybody else and many such lovable things . Being a seven year old brat at that time, their words somewhat went into my head. As a child I loved him as much as I hated him too on occasions. There was always a sense of suspicion that my entire empire might just be conquered someday and snatched away from me by this unknown intruder....

More than two decades have passed by since then. Today my brother began a new phase of his life -- he joined in his first job throwing away the mantle of a student. Over this long stretch of time, I have gradually learnt to my utter conviction that when a brother is born, nothing is halved, everything is just doubled, in fact, several several times more than that. When a brother arrives, your empire is never lost, rather immensely strengthened. As a matter of fact, today he is not just the most precious asset of my life, but one of the most adorable persons that I have ever seen.

Here is wishing him all the success in all his endevours that lie ahead of him.

Finally ...off my back..

2006-06-09T00:45:00.000+02:00

(Sub)mission successful. Did not sleep a wink in the last 26 hours. Will now sleep like a log.

Deadline extended

2006-06-01T00:46:00.000+02:00

... not one day, not two days.... by a wholeeeeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.

Just short of death line..

2006-05-31T07:15:00.000+02:00

Who invented the word deadline? Most apposite. Feeling like a sacrificial goat. Asked for an extension. Want some lifeline to live a little longer. Not much. Just a little.

Back with a bang

2006-05-29T15:53:00.000+02:00

Much illuminated. Just 3 days left. Sorry less than 3 days.

Off to MOL

2006-05-25T21:58:00.000+02:00

They come they go...

2006-05-22T22:30:00.000+02:00

A finally did not show up. Why?

The first question that I'll ask: Is it possible that I'm responsible for A's disappearance? Two great guys -- one is an Austrian called Sigmund Freud and the other is a Greek by the name Plato -- would have been supremely interested to find the answers, had they been alive today. But alas!! Anyway, I anticipated this was going to happen sooner or later that A would run away leaving some clues that I would, characteristically, tend to ignore. I said I anticipated. Didn't I? Boy! Grow up. Please. For God's sake. Why anticipate? This has become a rule now. P (13x7), D(+6), S (+3), V(+3) and now A(+3). Or, does A deserve to be included in this elite group? Did A do anything or at least, endure any of my idiosyncrasies to join this august company? Of course, not the same way as others did, but from a different angle, A qualifies better than the rest. Ok. Enough. Now, in absentia let us bid good bye to A and wish A very very best of luck. There is no looking back. OK. Move on. ...Done.

Let's now wait for welcoming the next one, if at all there is still anyone left who can outshine, or at least match up to A. Otherwise, register for the club B which is not bad either, believe me munnu. So many men of wisdom -- K of Germany, N of England, K of Denmark and many more -- would be euphoric to decorate you with a bravery award.

I think, I'm not too cryptic here, for me to deduce what this post is all about, let's say, after 30 years.

Isn't she very caring?

2006-05-22T01:11:00.000+02:00

I need an ergonomic chair at home too, if I want my spine to survive the onslaughts of long hours at the computer.

Ouch!!!!

2006-05-21T06:01:00.000+02:00

Perhaps injured some muscle/ligament/tendon/tissue on my left shoulder joint while working out on the pectoral machine. But the good news is that I finally discovered with 24 hours effort, how it happened. My gripping was very much faulty. Your arms should rest against the pads completely so that all the force in your pectoral muscles can be mobilized to lift the weight, while, in my case, only the palms were used to draw the arms of the machine. Please use your elbows to pull the wieght, NOT your hands which will remain relaxed. Otherwise this very useful machine will cause death to your shoulders. For me, hope things will be alright soon. Remember that the shoulder joint is the most sophisticated and therefore, the most vulnerable joint of your body. Appreciate how delicate the design is, for the arms to have infinite degrees of freedom, unlike any other joint.

Chandrabindoo rocks

2006-05-18T19:46:00.000+02:00

I'm in office now, working aganist time, for the 30th deadline and at the same time, listening to Chandrabindoo on headphone. At times, my moods match so well with their songs that I think, whoever comes near me at that time, I'll force that person in joining me in dancing and shouting loudly behind Chandrabindoo.

Gabgu bagu..gabgu bagu
tomaye paoyae moron bachon
muguur haate turki nachon
tomar babar neem er pNachon muukh..
nahoye du-chokh buje raasta haate bechara ujbuk
mathaye kore rakhbe tomaye sokol jhaaka muute
tomar jonyo laal baatsha urbe horir luute
station road e fuchka khaabo bhishon chete pute
maiiri bolchhi esob vebe diary likhi khuuub .....
gabgu bagu....

Wishful thinking: medicine for sleeping disorders

2006-05-17T23:55:00.000+02:00

Let's just think for a while that whatever you wish is going to be true to the last bit-- at the right time, right space -- everything happening exactly the way you want. No, not just think. Believe that. It is a very healthy feeling. Calm, peaceful, placid. The result is: Eyes go on strike for a vacation. Lovelorn eyelids, on sensing the presence of sweetheart, suddenly become very restless to kiss each other, before slipping into a passionate intimacy for the night. Puffiness of the pillow and blanket looks irrepressibly seductive. A state, torporific, soporific, deific. It's raining also. Sound of rain on the roof, all are in perfect harmony.

Still Want more?

2006-05-16T08:35:00.000+02:00

Five of them (P2, I1, I3, N, G) are broken and therefore, shown the exit door. Isn't it enough for 30th May? However, what can be done about H, I2, P3 and Sc? Are they good? I don't think so. None is good. Only that sometimes we are unable to show that they are bad.

Good boy

2006-05-14T16:24:00.000+02:00

Today is Mother’s day. If I call her and say, "Today is your day and I’d be thinking of you all day, for the kindness and care you showered on us all your life and what we are now is only because of you." She would first purse her brow to get the inkling of exactly what I'm trying to say and then, as initial confusion paves the way for a realization, completely her own derived from her experience of life, she would finally gush forth, “thak, onek hoechhe" (enough is enough. Please stop that now). But I’ll not let such thoughts deter me from going ahead. kring, kring..."Hello".

update: She is out in her singing class; so, any last hope to wish her before the day passes by, is practically crushed. So, here is wishing my mother a very happy and healthy life. Hope the message breaks free from the pages of my weblog and flows to her.

Finally managed some time...

2006-05-11T17:47:00.000+02:00

I’m going shopping. List.

A pair of darkblue jeans + a pair of darkkhaki jeans (waist is now 2 inches less than the last time; target : a further reduction of 2 inches in the next two months) ,
Two T-shirts: 1. full-sleeve, lightslategray 2. half-sleeve, multicolored (black/blue/darkred), unattractive slogan on the front, to my great relief,

A pillow + pillow cover (size: 65cm x 65 cm) ,

A blanket plus cover (size: 140 cm x 200 cm)

A pair of exercise gloves (not found)

A pack of 10 razors from Gillette.
A few assorted stuff for daily use (go to comments space).

Note 1. Blue/red colored part was added later.
Note 2. Colors were determined according to the convention here.

Yudhishthira's Wisdom

2006-05-11T07:31:00.000+02:00

Yaksha: Who is happy?

Yudhishthira: Those who can act with confidence.

Yaksha: How to maintain a constant supply of confidence?

Yudhisthira: Absolute and dispassionate awareness of reality.

Yaksha: What is the difference between knowledge and awareness?

Yudhisthira: Knowledge is unlimited, therefore, can never be attained in entirety. Awareness is the state of mind having a clear idea about what you know and what you do not know.

Yaksha: How to remain aware?

Yudhisthira: To build a mindset that searches for truth fearlessly.

Above is an excerpt of a conversation between the mythical Yaksha and Yudhisthira, as documented in an unpublished manuscript which is recently found in Bolivia.

My application returned

2006-05-09T19:09:00.000+02:00

The audit committee did not sanction my earlier claim for refund of asiacrypt costs. They are unable to accept bills with 6 to 8 large drinks of expensive liquor such as Chivas Regal, Johnnie Walker etc. I hardly drink. Those were spent to treat my friends whom I met last December/January after a long time. Now why would my employer pay for my personal costs? I somewhat took them for granted and concluded that I would get away with it, in view of the pampering they did to me in the past. Now I cut down on many costs and resubmitted. Let's see.

Feeling uneasy

2006-05-01T21:27:00.000+02:00

Last December when I arrived in Kolkata after a hiatus of one year abroad, on looking at me right at the NSCB hawai-adda (one of my favorite words in any language), my mother couldn't hide her disappointment and announced that I grew visibly overweight and I could well match a Penguin in appearance. For those who do not know what a Penguin is, like me who never heard of that species till my mother compared me to that; it is a black-and-white biped bird with flippered wings and webbed feet, fat in the middle and tapered at the ends mostly found in the South Pole . Loved as Penguin indeed is very much as a cool and intelligent bird trotting about on the vast expanses of snow covered fields, it is not, at any rate, an honor for a homo sapiens to be compared to that biped in appearance.

So the best possible way for me to sink again into guiltless self-indulgence, is to brush aside the allegations as over-attention of an uber-protective mother who cannot resist the temptation of hyperbole as a part of her strong adherence to Bengali culture. But my daydreaming was not long-lived and only lasted till I took the opportunity of that vacation to go to Mumbai to visit P for a couple of weeks. A one-liner about P may not be out of scope here: P is my only classmate in school who somehow rode out all the tempests and the tornadoes and the cyclones of a relation to go on to win the title of my most trusted friend of today. OK. So I am now on an Air Deccan flight to Mumbai eagerly awaiting a tryst with P after almost four years of estrangement. When P came to receive me at the Chhatrapati Shivaji hawai-adda, it was an emotive moment quite natural for a reunion of two close friends separated for a long time, he hugged me passionately, took charge of my luggage and then the thunder struck on my head. P whispered to me, "You are looking like a sexy thunder thigh Tamil Heroine."

As P dropped off that comment very casually and wandered off with my trolley toward his car parked far away from the airport exit, I sank into a private contemplation, a deep contemplation. So, really I'm looking soooo.... Oh. Jesus.. I can't think any more. As P pressed the accelerator at full throttle and his recently bought 10- year-old -second-hand Maruti 800 sped past motley images of urban accoutrements on both sides of a Mumbai highway, along with also rushed my fears about my recently confirmed doomed future. Many deadly images flashed through my mind.

The more I pondered about that, the more did I feel utterly hopeless, tremendously insecure. As it seemed to me that I was descending through a bottomless despair, from which my rescue appeared impossible, giving me the feeling of a fast approaching damnation -- maybe a long overdue nemesis for my past guilts -- suddenly, very suddenly, surely by the grace of God, a piece of paper rolled down through the broken glovebox of the car's dashboard and fell plumb onto my feet. The paper sported a big picture of a person who, defying all popular wisdoms, attained the most glorious success that one can imagine in his profession, despite arguably having no merits for that. If he can, then why can't I? I took no time to make my mind up. Yes he is my inspiration. My idol. My beacon in my desperation, in my puerile failings. He is my God. The moment I saw his picture new hopes bloomed in my mind, my emotions were promptly rearmed. The very moment, I took oath in the name of the newly found messiah-- my only resolution for 2006 -- to go to a gym without responding to the calls of auto-generated excuses even if there was a tsunami or a Katrina or a devastating earthquake, till I developed at least 8 distinctly visible biscuits of tight, strong muscle in my abs.

Till yesterday I very austerely followed the course of action that I struck out while I was traveling with P in his car in Mumbai. But today I missed it. I missed it because the gym was closed much earlier than normal for reasons not clearly known. I sinned. Clearly I sinned. That is why I am feeling uneasy.

In case you are curious about that adorable person who showed me light at the time of my abysmal despair by setting an example of his own life, here is the man. Let me take his name once again with all the respect he deserves.

G's five year old daughter died

2006-05-01T04:15:00.000+02:00

G is a 23 year old girl. Her family is inextricably tied to our family. My mother today gave me the news, that G's five year old daughter, who according to my mother's description looked extremely cute, has died a few days ago of kidney failure. As for me, I did not see G in the last seven years. I do not even know what the name of G's daughter's was, let alone ever saw the departed girl. I never met G's husband either. That fact is that I was always afraid to meet them. Why was I afraid? Only now I came to know that G's daughter was actually born with dysfunctional kidneys. Therefore, she was destined to die sooner or later. In the last four years I visited India thrice and stayed there for more than one month each time. My folks never raised this sore subject in front of me. They never wanted me to be bothered by these things. They were not wrong. I was afraid. G's father, who was a habitual drinker, also died prematurely at a young age of 42 some six years back, after suffering from multiple ailments such as liver cirrhosis, tuberculosis and a heart condition. My mother also disclosed that, to make matters worse, G has now been abandoned by his husband too (who is 25 years old and a cabdriver by profession), because her in-laws now consider G to be cursed and, in future also, they think she would never be able to bear a healthy child. G now lives with her widowed mother and an 18 year old brother, all dwell huddled up in a tiny room; needless to say that their living condition is not very hygienic. As far as I know, to make a living for her family, G's mother works as a part-time maid washing clothes and cleaning utensils in some neighboring households. Nobody told me, but I can presume that G's brother must have given up his studies and taken up the job of a rickshaw-puller by now, to support the family.... .... I think I must stop now...

I did not want to record this incident because I knew that it would make many past events pop up in my mind that were better kept buried forever lest it might call into question many bitter facts. But, for reasons not very clear to me, I was weighed down by conscience and desperately wanted to feel lighter. I am unable to answer any questions on this post. Forgive me.

The pace is picking up

2006-04-28T03:51:00.000+02:00

The last two days have been quite productive in terms of research. Don't be misled into believing that whatever I got the last two days are all very desired. The fact is that, when I say 'Productive', I actually mean that my level of awareness is raised. In fact, one of the main outcomes of the last couple of days was the discovery of a very crucial error that I committed two months ago. Precisely, earlier I thought that I was able to break HW's very famous cipher, but it was my mistake. Therefore, I have reasons to feel disappointed, what detection of any past error would always make you. But I'm trying to be positive and move on.

B got a job

2006-04-25T19:26:00.000+02:00

B has got a job in Mumbai. I just received his email. I'm just too happy. SC, who was one of my seniors in school, is responsible for the job. He is a big shot now; having studied in two hallowed institutes in India, SC is now a director of a company which I think he founded with others. Will talk more about SC later. He is a very very interesting character resembling a Hindi film hero in many ways. Just to ignite your interest, assuming you are really a typical Bengali gossip monger (no offence intended): SC is 33 years old, disinherited by his crore-pati father, divorced once, now single and possesses extraordinary knack for innovativeness and creativity.

News on other fronts: I also visited the ophthalmologist today. The eye examination was heartening. Here.

Not much useful work today, but...

2006-04-21T01:15:00.000+02:00

Most of the time of the day has been wasted on performing rhytidectomy (look it up in the dictionary when I beg your pardon for using that word when there exists an easier and more appropriate one for the same expression) on my university homepage and my work-related weblog ; all of them I write in my original name as against this weblog which I use as a means to discharge all my pentup agonies , to shout loudly at all unlikable or likable things fearlessly, to fly high, higher without any boundary; in a word, to feel an unreal sense of an absolute freedom -- something that I think I could not have done in my real identity. Anyway, it is again hard for me to call it a waste of time as, after doing all those things, a sense of neatness pervaded my mind which was indeed a prized feeling. Now, by way of these three books, I can skim through my entire existence, which is somewhat divided between my ambitions, my frustrations, my fears, contradictions, the confusion and many more similar manifestations. However, at the end of the day, you just emerge a more conscious being who knows exactly where his head is.

Tottering on ....

2006-04-20T02:24:00.000+02:00

More or less succeeded in sticking to the plan. By hook or by crook I have to submit the first version the thesis to B by next Friday, i.e., only 9 days are left. Most daunting task.

Tomorrow's plan

2006-04-19T03:38:00.000+02:00

The first thing on the list is to go the barber's shop. I don't fancy long hair and ponytail to catch up with a popular fad. Nothing comforts like comfort.
Complete the work related to reimbursement with HW.
Go to gym.
Make formidable progress with the thesis.

Hunger is the best sauce

2006-04-18T01:41:00.000+02:00

Terribly hungry. Did not eat anything except a few bloody muffins and several cups of tea in the last 24 hours (not years, mind you). Was drudging away at a paper which was already complete long time ago, therefore, an utterly boring job but cannot be dispensed with. A downside of my profession, if you say so. What I am going to gobble up now, can at best be called a porridge, usually seen in many Hindi movies, left on a big table to be served to the prisoners and Amitabh Bachchan, if he is one of them, is definitely going to kick the bowl filled with that stuff, down on the floor. The solution is made up of salt, some assorted Indian spices, a few pieces of potato and a boiled egg all distinctly visible and floating on the water which I will definitely call a jhol even if there is a worldwide protest.

Falling into the groove slowly

2006-04-14T03:36:00.000+02:00

The concentration is somewhat restored. But way short of the point of satisfaction. One possible reason may be that I'm yet to be able to soak my current job in adequate interest so that I can possibly remain oblivious to other disturbing factors. Got an appointment with the ophthalmologist (10 a.m., 25th April 2005). Don’t want to take any chance with the eyes. I must ask her a few important questions what I forgot the previous time.

How is the condition of retina? Any degeneration? Is macula alright? Ans: Perfectly alright. No degeneration.
I do heavy weight training in gym followed by soccer at times. Can it, by any chance, harm the retina? Ans. No, if retina is not already fragile. If retina is fragile, then after sealing of the holes, one can do heavy weight training.

soccer

Is this because of PVD? Then what is the condition of PVD? Ans. I don't see any symptoms of PVD.
Any word of advice about how to ensure good health for retina? Ans. Nothing can be done to prevent retinal problems as precautionary measures. However, eating fresh vegetables in good measure is good for eyes, in general.
How medical science is progressing in dealing with the annoying problems of eye-floaters? Ans. Eye floaters are generally benign. Not much progress in that direction whatsoever.
Can I suffer from glaucoma later in my life as high myopia is a risk factor for that? Ans. In each eye your eye pressure is 18 when a risk factor for glaucoma is 20 or more eye pressure. But, glaucoma is usually detected in patients of age over 40.
How would one get admitted to a hospital in case of exigency? Ans. Just go to the emergency unit and ask for help. You don't need any proscription for admission.
New development: I'm detected with symptoms of dry eyes. Dry eyes ensue if your eyes blink less, than what is normal. This is usually found in patients who are bibliophiles. Do blink your eyes when you read. I've been advised to use an eye-drop to generate artificial tears.

Am I a health freak or just health conscious?

P.S. The blue colored part is added after the consultation with ophthalmologist.

Good to get reply from someone who you think your friend

2006-04-09T00:28:00.000+02:00

K replied to my email. It feels good. I met K for a couple of times only. We became quite good friends even in that short time. But frankly, I found her extremely mysterious. It was more so because she was too well-mannered, sweet spoken and very rich, however, it was never clear to me what her job exactly was, what her background was and most importantly how she was being able to live such a luxurious life that I found her in. Perhaps, it is just because of my lack of knowledge and ignorance that I suspected her of having been engaged in jobs like working for the FBI etc. I am sorry for that.

Same mistake as before

2006-04-08T23:28:00.000+02:00

Again the same thing occurred. P did not place my reimbursement form in the right place despite being reminded of that possibility a dozen times before. So I have to wait for another 15 days for the money to be remitted. It is no chicken feed that I can ignore.

Concentration Broken

2006-04-06T21:46:00.000+02:00

Almost 16 days have gone by since I came back from Austria (20th March 2006). Unfortunately, the thesis writing did not progress at all. So, it's time to introspect secretly. There are many reasons why I am now repenting for the lost time. Firstly, my priority has somewhat been shifted to improving and preserving the physical fitness from my quest for cerebral enlightenment. Lately, I rediscovered the veracity of the old adage Health is Wealth that motivated a regular visit to our university multi-gym. The bad news is that I am gradually getting addicted to it and ignoring my professional pursuits which I regard as the only way to my salvation. Secondly, being a patient of high myopia (average -7.25 diopter in each eye) I notice floaters when my views are set against light backgrounds such as clear blue sky, white wall etc. For a highly myopic person this is quite a natural phenomenon except for a few cases when they indicate tear in the retina requiring immediate medical attention. For the last five years I underwent regular check-ups but nothing serious was found. But the point is, if you notice floaters of various shapes that dance around across your field of vision you are bound to feel concerned about your eye. Floaters are mostly benign and very common for young myopic patients; therefore any surgery to remove them is strongly discouraged as this may bring in more serious eye complications. A link may be welcome.

Another thing, my costs at Asiacrypt have not yet been reimbursed. I have to check with P.
I am trying to leave aside all these factors and sink into my work.

Part II of 'his' CV

2006-03-27T14:31:00.000+02:00

(Part I of 'his' CV can be found here).

I never understood poetry, and haven't read any since I was forced to in high school.

My life has been profoundly influenced by the work of the noted philosopher Howard Stern.

Opera sucks. My all-time favourite TV show is South Park.

My literary pursuits are limited to reading Time Magazine, Sports Illustrated, and USA Today.

The only language I speak is Bangla. Frankly, my Bangla sucks.

I avoid confrontations like the plague.

I don't know how to swim.

I love watching sports on TV. I hate playing sports.

The only exercise I ever get is walking between my car and office (a distance of about 150 yards).

My social life revolves around my web-surfing activities.

One of my ambitions when I retire is to learn how to make french fries.

I like making lists. That is my only true hobby. Pretty pathetic, eh?

It was skiing time in Austria

2006-03-23T19:35:00.000+01:00

I just came back from Austria. The primary purpose of the trip was to attend a conference and to present a paper, however, I don’t think in distant future this visit will be remembered for that. I went skiing for the first time. It was a remarkable experience. I looked really cool with the skis, ski-boots, ski-jackets, goggles and cap wrapped around me. It is a fantastic sport. I was amazed to see small kids negotiating sharp bends so easily while I stood ridiculous on a much easier slope, fell down quite a few times when trying to turn which were not at all deep, evoked giggles in the fellow skiers and so on. But anyway, when I think back I find that it was too much of an expectation on my part to ski like an expert on the first attempt. More so when, by a stroke of ill luck, I twisted my ankle heavily the day before the skiing day. Now imagine that, with a large swelling on a weak ankle, you put on those heavy ski-boots with all other appendages, go to the mountain slope and eventually expect that you will be able to throw a stiff challenge to all other experienced skiers. Grow up.

Writing My First book: My thesis

2006-02-15T23:54:00.000+01:00

It has been a very long time that I did not write here. I was away in Canada then Austria and then on a trip to India partly on vacation and partly to attend a couple of conferences before I am back to my desk on the 27th of January.

I am now writing my thesis. The only thing that I always wanted to become in my life was an author. From that point of view, this is my first book. The emotion was so high that I spent almost three months to find a suitable title for that. And also, every bit I write I delete it twice expecting the next one may be a better one. I have to strive hard to be less fastidious. By the way, I have decided to dedicate my thesis to my parents. Who else other than them could be worthy of this honor? Despite all the agonies that I experienced in all my life due to them, it can’t be denied that, whether the thesis is good or bad, whether it is at all important or not, whether there was barely any necessity for me to choose a profession like this in the first place, the thesis is the outcome of my parents’ unyielding ambition to see me the best and the most enviable child of all time. Everybody including my parents themselves know that they are wrong and under strong delusion. Despite that they never settled for less ambition about me.

It is pointless to write anything about the subject of the thesis in here. However, can’t resist dropping off one or two lines. It is about breaking 9 cryptosystems.

2005-12-27T15:10:00.000+01:00

abar gaan gun gun korchhe mon jure pran jure ... ekdom khali golaye gaite hobe kintu ...

"kemon bNashi bajai shono mathete rakhal
tar suur-e bujhi jadu aache
mon holo mataaal
...kemon bNashi...."

jodi na thake ekhono .taratari jogar kore nao anup ghoshal er golaye (with no instruments whatsoever).. ei gan ta ...

The image of my soul

2005-11-22T04:59:00.000+01:00

Don't say, you didn't like me? On a diet for the last ten thousand years.

Plagiarism is a way to show respect

2005-11-02T03:15:00.000+01:00

This picture is stolen from S-da’s homepage. S-da claimed that the picture described him the best. However, in the picture, there are two distinct entities representing two opposite classes. Which one actually describes S-da?

S-da, by any chance, if you bump onto this page (I’m sure that the chances are very low as you have no time left in your pursuit of a Turing and there is no doubt that you would succeed) please update me on how your work is going. I’m visiting your place in the beginning of December and looking forward to some stimulating discussions with you on all the hottest developments in both academia and industry of science of computing. I knew that you have moved from N to T but do not know your new email id. There is no prize for guessing whether your spam filter blocks all HTML based emails or not.

Purity

2005-10-31T02:13:00.000+01:00

I lifted the picture long ago from some place on the Internet which, unfortunately, I have completely forgotten. I don’t think, I saw a face of a woman as expressive as this before.

Flashback

2005-10-23T02:04:00.000+02:00

This picture was published on the electronic version of Anandabazar Patrika today. I found this picture extremely touching, reminiscent of my school days when I used to frolic around in the rain on the way to my school. Can’t resist publishing this on my weblog in fear that the picture is lost later on.

In the land of maple trees

2005-10-22T04:43:00.000+02:00

It’s been a long time that I did not write anything on the blog. I am now in Canada visiting a university here for one and a half months. Canada, the land of maple trees, is a country that I always wanted to visit. The university is also nice; the campus, the playgrounds, the professors and the resources seem to be in a very healthy shape. Now I am watching a movie in my hotel suite; the movie is a suspense thriller and by now a number of horrible murders have taken place and the killer is at large. I am also waiting for S’s call.

Cleaning house

2005-10-08T17:44:00.000+02:00

Today I hired a person to clean my house. She is now working in the kitchen. Labor charge is very high in here. Anyway hiring people to clean your house once in a while is not bad. Professional touch makes a huge difference. So, there is no way to think that this is a wastage of money.

Lazy lamer

2005-10-02T20:48:00.000+02:00

I have lots of things to complete before I leave for Toronto on the 13th of this month. Next wednesday I will give a seminar which is expected to have some big shots in the audience among others. But the present sate of preparation is extremely sordid. Not even have started to make slides. Damn. Next two days would be very hectic. Moreover, many interesting research problems are on hand to be addressed without delay. I have to be very organized for the next five months to reap the harvest best. The focus of mind needs to be on target lest I may have to repent in future.

My father retired on an eventful day

2005-10-01T05:55:00.000+02:00

The entire day was full of many small events. My father retired as a professor of mathematics from a college in India. I know that the retirement day is a very sad day for a man. Today I called him up and told him not to ponder about his retirement a bit further on. Financially, I don’t think there would be any pressure on my family as my father gives mathematics tuition to a number of college students against fees. Moreover, being a very energetic and enterprising man, as he has always been, he is now planning to deal in stocks quite actively. I only pray that he remain healthy in body and mind always.

On the other fronts, the pending budget has been finally sanctioned by my boss granting me an amount little less than what I initially claimed. Anyway, money has never been an all-too-important matter to me. What I always demanded, and will continue to do all my life, is honor. I must say his behavior to me was never disrespectful.

I received a pay slip today which shows that my scholarship had been increased by a small amount since the last month. But I have to check on my account to see if it is really the case.

The limit on my credit card has been trebled for some reasons unknown to me. One thing that I am quite eagerly waiting for is, by how much amount, they are going to increase my scholarship from December this year, if at all they do. This will perhaps be clear in a week from now.

A bit on my student: the fellow seems to possess all the qualities that I wanted to see in my student. He is, undoubtedly, an intelligent pupil of top quality. After all, a Maths Olympian as I was too. If he is in the hands of right supervisors, he can deliver good scientific work, my observation suggests. There are a few traits of him that many people may not like, however, I not only just like, but prefer them to others. For example, he never ever attempted to talk to me about his personal life, not a bit. He never talks about anything nonacademic. He is uber-serious with an eternal deadpan look on his face, hardly smiles and is utterly unsocial. Believe it or not, I will always look for students like him. I can somehow see the fire inside people of such types. Smoldering volcanoes as they look to me. What they need is just a little ignition to release the pent-up fire. Today, he discovered something that may give both of us a huge academic lift. Let us see.

Monihara

2005-09-17T22:43:00.000+02:00

Today I watched Satyajit's Monihara yet another time. The movie once again shows that Ray was a gifted narrator to begin with and also at the end of the day.

2005-09-14T01:35:00.000+02:00

Rudra Md. Sahidulla'r ei gaan ta bar bar gaite ichche korchhe,

"Amar Bhitoro Bahire Ontore Ontore
Achho Tumi Hridoy Jure
Bhalo Achhi Bhalo Theko
Akash-er Thikanaye Chithi Likho
Diyo Tomar Mala Khani
O- Diyo Tomar Mala Khani
Baul er ei Mon Taare
Amar Bhitoro Bahire ...

ddheykey raakh-e jemon kushum
papriyr abdaley fosol-er ghum
temni tomar gobhir chola
O- temni tomar gobhir chola
... ... *** er ei poth dhoreyy
amar bhitoro bahire ....

***---> exact word ta bhuley gechhi bhai

2005-09-04T22:20:00.000+02:00

It's 10-30 at night. But I am still in the lab reviewing two papers for an upcoming security conference. I live just a five minutes walk from the University. So it is not a problem for me to work late at night in the lab. But my mind is extremely disturbed as I just had a very bad news from home that, in a bus accident, my brother suffered injuries (not very serious) in the elbows, knees and the back. One bus was trying to overtake the other on the same route while negotiating a bend, lost control and hit the wall of a nearby building; a very common phenomenon in the city of joy. The boy who was on the footboard of the overtaking bus, was flung out of the gate and fell flat on road hitting his nose, back, knees and all. A lot of blood was discharged from the wounds and the cuts. To make matters worse, the accident led to a huge road block around the site and some overzealous folks tried to beat the reckless drivers and set the buses ablaze and so on, while no traffic police was around to resist them. The crowd rushed to my brother lying on the road, everybody was trying to offer their help in Calcutta's trademark officious ethos, making the chap more nervous under all the goggling eyes of the crowd. Well, the boy is now totally out of danger and will presumably fully recover in a few days. Still a few feelings are writhing in discomfort inside me to break free. The accident for which the post is written will be forgotten shortly, however, it opens our eyes to some bigger issues which are of course trite through overuse, but should not be ignored just because we have grown used to that.

My family lives in Salt Lake which is one of the very few so called "worth living" places in Calcutta and sometimes dubbed as the capital of Calcutta for being the living place of a large number of political honchos and intellectuals. Despite the fact, the public transportation in that area is miserable, more pathetic during night time (somewhat like the US, if you don't own a car you are doomed), and what's more, the area is fast becoming roaming grounds for criminals shortly after nightfall and bribe taking police winking at all the corruption happening right under their nose and so on. So one can imagine the conditions of the other parts of the city and the people who live on the margins of the society. A mayhem, I can assure you it is, chaos, unruly and a total absence of discipline. You have to depend too much on your destiny to come out safe and alive when walking on the road or waiting for some public services in hospitals, government offices and like, a little slip will see you fall downhill and take your life. In such unhealthy, unconducive, rotting and fetid atmosphere, you cannot expect the habitants of this city to channelize their potential and talents in any fields, be it science, sports, arts or whatever, and blossom on bigger platforms. Those who are a little fortunate to have crossed the borders of the country for a greener pasture in the West, sometimes twitch their nose in shame and try to slip all such horrid facts about their homeland under the carpet lest they may feel embarrassed and abashed in presence of more shiny, silky, western folks. Such hypocritical tendencies are time and again visible when we observe uproar from the relatively well off Indians against books, films and documents portraying the misery and the plight of the common people of these countries in the crudest form. First and foremost, nothing can be more unkind and selfish than such behaviors from the people at a higher rung of the society. And more ironically, by being oversensitive and uneasy to the hard realities of their country and pretending as if they don't exist, they unknowingly provide huge testimony to the matters they find creepy and try to hide obsessively.

2005-09-04T00:17:00.000+02:00

Today Mohun-Bagan defeated East-Bengal in the second round of Calcutta Football league by a solitary goal scored by their new foreign recruit from Togo. This is the first time in my life I saw MB defeat EB in both the rounds of CFL. Record books say such feat for MB last occurred in 1967. EB defeated MB in successive two rounds in Calcutta Football league in 1978.

2005-09-03T23:58:00.000+02:00

Today I saw (in fact I did not see, I just heard from a distance) eggs explode through the hard outer shells and the yolk and the albumen were strewn all over the floor and bits of them stuck to the ceiling too. I let the eggs and potatoes boil in a pan and forgot about that while at my computer. Suddenly I heard a thudding sound but did not care, so much was I preoccupied, then another sound followed a little later. That was that.

2005-09-03T22:51:00.000+02:00

I think I will, now onwards, put bits of my academic pursuits in here also. After all, I have a lot of things to say when it comes to my subjects. But, of course not always, only when I am spontaneously urged to do that. My subjects are not only my profession, my passion also. In fact, I am always very watchful that the passion do not subside. If any such possibility is anticipated, I try to look at things from many different angles to bring life into it. I am a type of a person who can not do anything without loving it. That has been proved many a time in my life. I almost went into extreme melancholy at one point in my life where I was forced into some work for which I have no respect. In a word, I am dead if I am not motivated.

Well. As my academic pursuit is, in a layman's term, computer security, you will, off and on, find many references related to that. I hope that does not scare the readers away. Remember that, because of my loyalty to the subject, I feel committed to contributing to and popularizing this area of research among the common people. I am sure, whether you are actively involved in this area or not, you will find the bits here on the subject full of fun and entertaining only if the words, cyber-terrorism, hacking, breaking cryptosystems catch your wonder. Stay hooked.

2005-08-30T12:18:00.000+02:00

Today I visited an ophthalmologist who cleared off my fears about the degeneration of my eyes. These fears are something that will last me entire life and tie me to the aprons of the ophthalmologists forever. Anyway, as my eyes were dilated for medical examination, crippling me at all other usual works of a day, I had ample free time to take random trips to various other weblogs. Here I found a humorous post on what they say a Bra flinging story. In case you stumble upon this page but missed this one, may like to read the tale. I found this rocking.

2005-08-29T19:48:00.000+02:00

My readers might have already noticed that the real life characters who find places in my blogs are referred to by their initials to hide their real identities. In fact, this Akash Sen is also my penname. Writing under pseudonym and keeping secret the identities of the characters give me plenty of courage to write freely without bothering about being held accountable for that. Writing is neither my profession nor a passion. There are scores of assorted feelings that wriggle in my mind, crawl up and down, turn and twist and finally implode, shredding the inside of me, without any outward signs. The end result is an invisible lump stuck in the throat blocking the flow of oxygen making breathing difficult. The lump is in urgent need to be removed before it grows bigger and takes my life. I feel the gradual melting of the rock while I pick up the threads of the mass one at a time and lay them on the pages of my blog. Thus this amazing medicinal effect of blogging has thoroughly defeated my ambition to be very popular in the blogspere by writing on hot topics. Poor me.

Well. Today I bought the air ticket to Canada by making full payment to the travel agent expecting that the visa would be ready on time and there won't be any other exigencies forcing me to cancel or postpone the journey. As this is a cheap ticket, the refund for cancellation is zero and the postponement of the flight entails a huge extra cost. Decision to go into such deals was not hasty and taken after a very careful examination of the above undesirable possibilities. Still, as the deal was finally struck irrevocably, the fear of losing my hard earned money is looming large in my mind. This is too much to expect that the money be reimbursed if the trip is canceled. Apart from that, wastage of resources whoever the possessor is, makes me again wriggle in discomfort. I have to remain calm for almost a month to see what happens finally.

2005-08-26T14:18:00.000+02:00

Oh. What a hectic time I went through on the last few days. A flurry of activity. Completely non-academic, boring, dull and a drudgery. Hell!!! Did not even manage time to stitch together some bits of mind to pour all my disgust, agony, bitterness on blogrolls. They are all littered on the floor, fragmented, sore and raw. Anyone who has had applied for a Canadian Temporary Resident Visa in the past, ought to remember the annoying questions that are included in the application form (the feeling may be funny depending on the mood you are in). Among other questions about your family and relatives (even if they are not at all connected with the proposed trip nor have they ever lived in Canada) the one that irritates you the most is on the number of children of your siblings. Am I supposed to know all these to qualify for a visa to Canada? So I called home and shook my brother out of sleep and asked him about all his illegitimate children that he had hid from us. The application form also warns that, in case of discrepant answers, you may be refused a visa, if not this time then may be the next time. Now, what if my brother lies to me about all his clandestine affairs? What if my brother denies the paternity of the grandson of the prime minister of Canada? Is it justified that I be denied a healthy research collaboration with some other even-minded Canadians because of a few paranoid monkeys.

To add salt to injury another unexpected problem, that sprang up today, cost me a bit of time and at a time looked to have no way out at all. The audit committee served me a notice that, unless I submit a few invoices in the original, the reimbursement of a few payments that I made on my earlier Australian trip, would never be cleared. Anyway, this is rather a long story of how I succeeded in cracking this deadlock very quickly (thanks to European professionalism) and felt futile satisfaction for something useless.

Anyway, on the academic front, seem to have got an interesting result. When such things do happen, it is required to complete the work as fast as possible and announce them lest the ownership of the work may change hands (I myself had some painful experience of such kind). It is a rat race folks and the state-of-the-art of the field changes every second. However, I need some serious help from my student with programming to flesh out that result to make it suitable for presentation, but he seems to have taken to the woods. I did not see him at his desk for the last couple of days. I have to be a little strict with him. He might have taken me for granted, something which is completely unacceptable to me.

Well. And a different kind of research project involving algebraic attacks that I started a month ago is now put on backburner amidst these visa, university registration and all such bloody menial stuffs. The first phase of this project has to be finished by the end of September. By hook or by crook.

2005-08-23T13:47:00.000+02:00

OK. Now I'm at my desk in the office. The work at the International office that I expected to be mammoth did not take long. But the work is now half complete. It is expected to be complete to the point of my satisfaction (may be beyond that) tomorrow. However, there is still a cloud of doubt about the whole issue because of the conflicting opinions of many people on the matter. To speculate anything about bureaucratic affairs is foolish. Let's see what happen tomorrow. On the health front, got an appointment with an ophthalmologist next Tuesday 10-45 a.m. Hopefully the examination of the eyes will not reveal any condition.

2005-08-19T17:20:00.000+02:00

During summer the department takes on a very melancholy look as the day gradually drags along past noontime; all undergraduate students are on vacation, research staffs and the teachers are also reaping their holidays, accumulated over the year, maybe at some exotic sea resorts or in the mountains or forests, the remaining few also decamp as the sun glides down against the sky. However, I never felt any urge to make the best use of my holidays by compulsively going to sea beaches or mountains and so on. Any forceful subjection drives my soul out of breath, I feel pain deep inside.

Its six o'clock now. Yesterday, one of my old friends who now lives in Canada once again requested me to visit their university for four to six weeks this fall. Last time I did not show much interest as I was not certain about many practical aspects of this invitation as well as my own benefits in such interactions. However, his last email about that offer sounded really prospective and I decided not to miss out on that. Although there are still some hitches to that. Firstly, my boss , who is now on vacation, may not allow me to be absent here for such a long time. Secondly, my visa expires during the period of the proposed visit. So in this short time I have to make arrangements for the renewal of visa which entails a lot of red tape. Thirdly, I will have to remain detached (connected only on emails) from my student for those 4 to 6 weeks -- something which is, perhaps, not morally justified. And fourthly, if my paper is selected for publication at the conference (about which I talked earlier) then I will have to again pack up and rush as soon as I come back. Do all these contribute to a peaceful life which is extremely necessary for the kind of job I do?

2005-08-16T14:57:00.000+02:00

A few things have changed in our office; so suddenly that you will not fail to notice it. The first thing is that, after being in the state of dormancy for a long time, the office is now bubbling with life with as many as three living people striking keyboards at the same time. In fact, there are four. The fourth one had gone off on a very sacred mission. To preach religion in a country quite a long distance away from here. He is the guy coming straight out of the recent Rushdie book Shalimar the clown, where the protagonist was thoroughly brainwashed by the religious clerics, except the extremist ways adopted by the hero. And also, my friend is extremely gentle, indisputably honest and absolutely loyal to his faith, not to mention a downright kind soul who would always stop by my house to enquire about my well being if I was absent at the lab for a few successive days. To be frank, he is the only true religious fanatic that I came across in my life; pure, uncorrupted and unquestioning devotion to the edicts of a religion. If my readers are tempted to fit this person into the frame of a violent radicalized Muslim then they are terribly mistaken. This person is a fundamentalist Christian who, for example, has thrown off Darwinian theories without any doubt as it is considered blasphemous in the Bible. I cannot relate the religious side of him to his professional side which requires tremendous amount of logical skills, scientific knowledge and openness of mind, to say the least. This is not an exaggeration to mention that, considering his young age, his professional successes are not only above average but also quite enviable. This person is not at his desk for the last few days and is expected back from his religious mission next Monday. I am looking forward to the accounts of his trip in his own version.

2005-08-14T01:50:00.000+02:00

Blogging is an enriching pastime for the expatriates who live in self-imposed social quarantine. For me, the social life has reduced to only a few occasional visits to a Turkish restaurant for dinner, mostly on Fridays, with a couple of like minded pals, followed by short aimless strolls around some relatively obscure corners in this university town. No way I am complaining about this social estrangement. On the contrary, I sometimes feel a sense of relief that, at last, I was able to shun all these addictive provocations decisively. Once again remember that this is self-imposed. Sounds like a masochist? Just the opposite. There is a number of reasons for this apparently weird bent of mind. To give a few clues; firstly, from a large number of heart singeing experiences in the past I, somewhat, have convinced myself that I am a social boor who has a genius for upsetting otherwise very congenial social climates into stormy whirlwinds, inviting uncalled for mental stresses and heady emotional turbulences. Such revelations compounded with the change of priorities in life pushed me to take up a position of a social nihilist. But there are still traces of doubts in my mind as to whether a human being can really live, with all his senses functioning normally, in complete isolation form the mainstream society. Amidst this dilemma, this blogspehere emerged like a Good Samaritan.

2005-08-11T13:54:00.000+02:00

For the last few days I have been quite regular at the lab, at least showed up in the morning, went for lunch to the cafeteria with my so sweet colleagues and also progressed a bit in my next research work. This change was brought about because of my student who joined our group a couple of days ago. He will work with me in one project which I had in mind for quite some time now. In case he feels demotivated by watching his irregular supervisor, I did effect some changes in my usual routine in order not to look slipshod. So you can see how much pain one can take when entrusted with responsibility. I will talk about this guy in somewhat detail very shortly; as of now it is too early to pass any judgment. Just one thing that I can't resist at this moment is that the chap is a serious type. Not a little. A lot. Not that I'm complaining. Another thing I must say that this guy is way more self-helped than I expected from a 22 year old landed in a foreign country for the first time.

Well. Coming to my own work. I am embarking on a different kind of work something that involves more mathematics and also calls for collaborative research. I am quite thrilled about that but desperately trying to play it cool because, by now, I am convinced that a romantic researcher is, at best, worthy of sympathy which is the last thing I would like to live with. What really matters in my field, which changes every single day, is how hot your work is. To rephrase it sophisticatedly the question is whether you are in the vanguard of the field or not, whether you are on the leading edge or not, whether you are on the bleeding edge or not.

2005-08-06T21:01:00.000+02:00

Now I am fine-tuning the rejected paper for submission to a supposedly less competitive conference. The more I am dissecting the previous review reports the firmer is my conviction about the following things,

1) Only the abstract, the introduction, and the conclusion of an article are reviewed in the first round of the elimination process (unofficially).

2) It is the responsibility of the author to spoonfeed the reviewer.

3) An easily readable but relatively weak paper stands a better chance than a paper which is difficult to read but stronger.

The above illuminations were triggered by a comment made by one of the referees of my paper which helped me realize the strong sense of disappointment contained in an old Bengali saying

"Saat kando ramayon por-e Seeta kaar baap"

(I will try to find a suitable English translation for that. Never hesitate to post me if you have one.)

2005-08-04T01:43:00.000+02:00

Now I'm going over the contents of the rejected paper once again and trying to tidy things up so that it looks neat. There is nothing I can do to enhance the technical contents of the paper. It is clear from the review reports that I was, at least, unable to make them understand some of my points, let alone elicit appreciations for them. This part of paper-writing is very tricky because the border line between emphasis and overemphasis depends on the referee's familiarity with the subject, general outlook on research etc. You may lose some points if you hammer in a particular point what you consider important when the reviewer finds that over-the-top. On the other hand, if you don't want to underscore some important points a few extra times in order not to be loud, the points may go overlooked by the reviewer all the way. Evaluation by only three 'experts' out of more than thirty odd members is always fraught with risks of unfairness. However, this is no excuse as this is the most practical solution to this whole conference process. Despite all such difficulties and competition there are many smart guys who consistently get papers accepted at the top conferences. I envy and, as well, salute them.

2005-08-03T03:08:00.000+02:00

There are many little surprises, your life is spiked with, that you would love to cherish in future. The moment I finished up the last post (yes exactly that moment, no dramatizing, believe me), my telephone trembled very suspiciously. As I put the receiver to my ear, it did not take any time for me to recognize the voice. It was S calling me from a public telephone booth 10 minutes bus-ride from my house. Nothing can surprise you more than this. But how crazy this fellow was to come directly from Paris to my place without making me aware of such whimsical plans. If I was not at home?

Anyway, S looked exactly the same as he was when I last saw him four years ago. Is he Peter Pan who never grows old? But one thing I must say that S looked somewhat weak and weary that was contrary to my expectation. Or maybe, he was very tired (what he promptly denied) from last few day's constant travel to various places.

But his rapid-fire 12 hours stay was too short to make up for the long separation. So we decided to sacrifice our sleep and talk all night to our heart's content and that's exactly what we did. And moreover the timing of S's flight required that he take an early morning train from my place to be in time. So we were awake all night and talked about various stuffs reminiscent of our old days. Then it became dawn and we realized that its time that he would prepare to depart. I accompanied him to the station and saw him off. S was then on his way home. It's all over like a flash of lightning.

P.S. BTW, at night after the dinner S had a few spells of stomach discharge which, for a while, made me and him as well, very nervous. But the uneasiness did not stay long.

2005-08-01T16:45:00.000+02:00

S seems to have disappeared in the hullabaloo of Paris. The last time when I heard from him, he was preparing to head for Paris with a person whose identity was never revealed. He did not call me on Saturday as he promised the day before. I only hope they are fine.

Today I had a bad news, not that I'm very surprised or shocked. My paper submitted to one of the major conferences in my field, came rejected. The review comments were not all too bad but enough to seal my fate in this highly competitive conference. Every time I receive a rejection notification, I do some postmortem and try to learn from mistakes-- a good practise, some man of wisdom told in the past. This time is no different. Maybe I am making mistakes in learning from mistakes. I have to investigate this too.

2005-07-30T18:29:00.000+02:00

So S has finally been spotted. An edgy voice spoke on the telephone yesterday that he was fine, however, was finding it difficult to come to my place the next day. He just came back to Utrecht, as he spoke to me, after some look-around in Amsterdam. S then fancied a day trip to Paris the next day. Oh. How asinine of him to have just fancied about that. He must do everything to make it a reality, I strongly urged. He can even come to my place the next day. He agreed to ring me about his decision today.

2005-07-29T19:18:00.000+02:00

S did not contact me as yet. No ideas about his whereabouts. I don't know if he has changed his plans. He once told that another person (boy or gal, I don't know) might accompany him to my place. If that fellow really turns up then I have to make other arrangements. Anyway, let's see. I'm off now to buy the stuffs left from yesterday's shopping.

GWPR is full of meticulous details. Chevalier has some fancy for details, methinks. No turns and twists in the story. Such accounts, of course, are a good literary work and they sometimes fascinate the readers in their own way . But now I'm not in such a mood to appreciate how many lice were found in Griet's hair and what were their colors.

2005-07-28T21:19:00.000+02:00

Hey, just back from the grocery. And again fell way short of the target. First of all, when I reached the place only half an hour ahead of the closing time of the shop. So I get down to work at once. No looking around aimlessly. I knew exactly what I was supposed to purchase. Pillow, duvet/blanket. Goshhhh.. I did not know the size of my bed in any quantity (centemetre or whatever). And all the blankets were so intricately coiled and tied in the packs that I could not get the idea of the size just by watching. There in the market, standing, I tried to figure out, but really couldn't convince myself that my guess about the size of my bed would not put my expenditure at risk. Now as I'm back home, I figure that that the size that I was very close to select in the market is way off the mark. My bed size is 120 cm x 200 cm. If I had to buy today I'd have bought 200 x 200. Therefore, another visit to the market tomorrow. But another question that was not given any importance previously suddenly comes to the fore: Is it possible that two persons sleep comfortably on this bed? I don't know how much space S occupies these days. If he is as fat as he was when I last saw him, then I think its OK. All these bloody numbers and sizes apart, I only know that prior to me, this bed was slept on by a man and his girlfriend. He! He!
Update: GWAPR has slowed down a bit with so much of description and nothing happening .

2005-07-28T16:06:00.000+02:00

The blog points out that the last time I took bath was on 24th July. Today is 28th and I am again in the mood for a bath. For me, the bath incident happens so very rarely that it has become worthy of mention. Hee!! hee!! But believe me that the gap between two successive baths are closing rapidly these days. The plan after that so-much-talked-about bath is to go out and buy two big pillows, a blanket and rice (what a contrast, pillow and rice) from a supermarket which is not the nearby one. So bit of a hardship. Quick Update:
1) the room cleaning is on standby for a while and will be resumed asap.
2) Picked up Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier and completed just 10 pages. The story is gradually gathering pace. More soon.

See ya.

2005-07-28T01:02:00.000+02:00

As expected I couldn't reach the target I set myself about cleaning up and organizing my room. I've, maybe, at best completed 1/3 of the the entire project. What I basically did was reorient the furniture to free some space in my very small apartment. The apartment is made up of a medium-sized room, a small kitchen and an even smaller toilet-cum-bath. Into that single room there packed two sofas, a bed, two tables and as many chairs, a cupboard, two book shelves. Initially I was provided with only one sofa but could not resist buying another secondhand lately as the offer looked too lucrative to miss. So I decided to dispense with the old one which was already fraying on all sides and taking a very dirty look. But the landlady protested diehard. So I had to make space for both of them somehow in the small room. It is this step-son like sofa whom, today, I engaged for keeping my laundry-bound clothes. I also managed to push that sofa to the far corner of the room, which was left unused so far, so that it forms an extension of my bed. I felt delighted to finally tap into the hidden potential of this neglected child.

Apart from that, the books and the CD's and DVD's, which were scattered all over the room, were collected and set out in the shelves with objects of the equal size in the same array. The clothes were arranged to look somewhat orderly in the cupboard. Completing up to that, I felt complacent. So I retired. Tomorrow I have to buy some quilts/blankets and pillows. Don't forget S is coming.

2005-07-27T13:13:00.000+02:00

I made some progress in my earnest attempt to revert my sleeping and waking times to normal order. Today I got up at 12 0'clock at noon. It is certainly better than going to bed in the morning and waking up at 6 o'clock in the evening and then being awake till the next morning. The target is to put the sleeping time into the 12-to-8 slot. I'll keep you updated on that constantly.

Yesterday, I watched the Tom-Cruise-famed The Last Samurai . On the whole this is a nice movie that keeps you engaged till the end but nothing more than that. Any movie that I watch I put a question to: Is that worth a second time? The answer here is 'no'. Therefore, I'm sure I will find it difficult to remember it after a few months or so. There are lots of bloody scenes such as jets of bloods spouting from the bodies of the dying soldiers, bullets and arrows striking one side of the body and coming out the other, may make you feel queasy. On the other hand, a few scenes, full of greenery, capturing the beauties of countryside are a feast for the eyes. If you really have nothing interesting to do then you are advised to try this.

Well. Today I am just in a combating mood to clean up my room after a lot of dilly-dallying. My operation clean-up starts right now. I'll be back with the description of my made-up room very shortly. Stay tuned.

2005-07-25T22:36:00.000+02:00

It rained all day today. My sleeping time and waking time remain swapped as usual. I burn the midnight oil and sleep all day. I've to do something on a war footing to get rid of this vicious habit in order to save my back from my boss. It is a very unhealthy practice to sleep during daytime 'coz you can never sleep sound and the most threatening part is that you lose touch with your colleagues which is a dangerous idea in the kind of job I am in. Some amount of discipline in life looks extremely necessary for me to be alive in the battle.

Well. Enough of planning and resolutions. There is another news: S is coming to visit me from across the Atlantic. My last meeting with S was in September 2001 at our old and beloved instutute. S is supposed to arrive here on the 30th. I've promised him that I'd make up my room before he arrives. Now it is no better than a pigsty with the floor of the kitchen littered with food droppings, now turned sticky black and hard, collected over the last one year. Daunting task, no doubt. But dear S, I'm not going back on my words, you can rest assured to be presented with a clean room. Not much blogging tomorrow as I have to run many errands, going to supermarket, laundry, DVD's and so on. Ta ta.

2005-07-25T02:38:00.000+02:00

I went to shower some five hours later than what was suggested in the previous post. It is always a problem with me, a hallmarked lazy man, to maintain schedule. It's been the rule of the day -- since my earliest memory -- that I am chided by parents and friends alike for failing to meet deadlines. As the years rolled by, I gradually resigned myself to this incorrigible habit however, formulated some 'smart' tricks to minimize the threats arising from such destructive habits. At the first stage I refused the association of what is called a girl friend. This tremendous sacrifice made my life a thousand times easier. I pity my poor girl-friended buddies who can hardly imagine falling asleep in the bathtub for three hours and getting up only when they feel water stream running into their nostrils making their breathing difficult. Once you settle down coyly with this kind of un(girl)friendly life your laxness also seems to demand more. For example, you may feel like lying on bed for the entire weekend without being disturbed by others for once. To accomplish such feats you need to get promoted to the second level of training. I woundn't have attained this level had I not come abroad to do some 're' some stuff. Usually when I want to pamper myself with a comatose weekend I buy tons of cooked food on Friday night to be put beside my bed, disconnect telephone, turn off the electric bell, draw the curtains and finally elevate myself to a sublime state of mind by meditating for long hours. If all these elements gel together perfectly you bet that the Saturday and Sunday have been wiped out from my life. This is not easy dear to meet the demands of your laziness.

2005-07-24T20:04:00.000+02:00

Ohh ... Some people are born with their heads in their asses. This guy called Andy is one of them, you bet. He has put some banners (with 'philanthropic' messages) in his weblog that incessantly emits some goddamn sounds making reading impossible. When drew his fucking attention to that quite discreetly, he swore at me. What a pity. Have got some heated exchanges with him ..eh...

Anyway, I'm now off to bath. Can you believe that this is the first time in the last seven days that I am heading that way.

2005-07-24T12:28:00.000+02:00

Yeah.. I just woke up. Now planning to go to the Sunday market which is supposed to very cheap but not quite sure whether they cheat on measuring the weights of the stuff. Have a lot of things to do today. First is to review the project report of my dearest younger brother. This chap is struggling to manage a job back in India. The fact that his friends are all done putting a kind of pressure on him. I am trying to encourage him all the time and ask him not to lose heart at any moment. In fact I have been through all these shitty tensions when I was in such circumstances quite long time ago. I also have a lot of things to start, complete and continue from previous stoppages for my own. However, I would continue to put blog bits down from time to time -- my fingers just itch to strike the key board buttons, the addiction has been rooted quite deeply in my being and have no intention to slough off.